At one of those life crossroads!

The primary objective in this time was to put away enough to purchase a house and determine if I want to play poker for a living long-term. Well two and a half years later, I achieved all the financial goals that I set myself. Also in this time, poker has taken me around the world while living quite a nice lifestyle. The nature of the game means there's been a lot of highs and some very big lows but on the whole it's been a great experience and I would do it all again. However do I want to go on playing poker?

A pessimistic fucker I know once told me that everything's chance of survival goes to zero on a long enough spectrum (he is right). This can be applied to poker, as anyone's chances of sustained profitability goes to zero on a long enough spectrum.

I see so many people who were decent winners several years ago (like I am now), struggling at the game. In my short time in the game I have seen it pass so many people by, instead of realizing it, they babble on about bad luck and re-invest all their winnings on the deluded belief that they are still winners and ultimately end up broken men in every sense of the word. I think I'll be more profitable than most winning players but eventually the game will pass me by too. So how long is my spectrum before my chance of survival/profitability goes to zero? I don't know, maybe 5/8 more years!

So I have two options.

1. Give up poker and return to the real world content, that you quit while you were ahead. My mom told me this when I won my first $50k gambling - after profiting a sizeable chunk since, I'm happy I didn't take that advice and still view it as poor advice.

2. Looking at the older generation of the poker world who are still successfully involved in the game, all these people have invested their winnings into business ventures which have in turn provided them with an alternative source of income. So when poker does pass you by, you still have a steady stream of income coming in. After my first attempt in doing this (invested my first two year's winnings of some $200k in the Irish stock market, with Anglo being my primary investment). I am going to have to be a lot more prudent with any further attempts. The plan is option two.

Well, when I go back to Ireland on the 1st of August my roll is fairly depleted, as a result of a bad World Series, coupled with paying off the house and doing some home improvements, I'll be left with $30k. I didn't have to deplete my roll as much as I did but there are also other reasons I have chosen to, as well as wanting to get the house paid off. I tried not to put anything about my personal life in my blogs but in the last two years I have been playing higher and higher stakes which have seen the daily swings I take go from $5k-$50k.

The swings have got higher and so have my mood swings. There was one point there a few weeks where after eight days, playing eight hours or more a day, I was give or take a few quid level but the minimum win/loss for me in each day was $25k. At the end of the eight days it struck me, if I had just grinded 2/4-10/20 I'd have won more and be a much happier person.

When you lose large chunks of cash (of course it's all relative but I was playing outside my bankroll) you just don't feel like doing anything else but sleeping. As any player will tell you, poker lows are 10 times lower than the poker highs.

I have become more absorbed in poker and neglected other aspects of my life but it seem the more absorbed (maybe playing outside my roll with be a much better word than absorbed) I become in it, the less I enjoy playing. I certainly think by stepping down in stakes, I will be able to concentrate on the other aspects of my life which I feel I have neglected. Reading back on this, it comes across a bit depressing and sounds like I have become disillusioned with poker. That's not the case at all, it's more an observation. It's more a case as I achieved my Everest as I saw it to be 30 months ago and was kind of unsure what to set as my next one.

This resulted in me drifting like a ship lost at sea for the last two months. I know now what my next challenge will be. I have rambled on enough in this blog; the plan and how I am going to execute it will be in the next one. Off to San Diego tomorrow with eight lads of the poker lads and a couple of our normie mates so should be loose.