Office Romance?

However, my head hadn't grown big enough to believe that they would have had that slogan on a pitch-side advertising board in a top Premiership fixture live on Sky Sports. So five minutes from full-time when Ciaran started excitedly pointing over my shoulder at the TV, which I'd momentarily turned my back on, exclaiming that my name was on the advertising board, my response was something along the lines of "**** off - do you really think I'm that stupid?".

He played his part well though and insisted it was true with a very sincere look on his face indeed, and although I still thought he was winding me up, I was only 60-70% sure now compared to the 100% confidence I'd initially had. A few minutes later when I again I had my back to the screen, Marty McCabe (who I didn't think had been there the first time) suddenly developed a surprised look on his face and pointed to the screen telling me to look quickly. I turned around just as the advertising board was revolving to reveal the blue Boylesports logo. He informed me that the last one had said 'something about Marty Smyth and the IPO'.

Now put yourself in my position - the sincere look of total honesty that Ciaran had had before, the fact that I didn't think Marty had been talking to Ciaran in between, the fact that I know Boyles have a similar advert in various places online, and of course the fact that I'd had a few pints. I'd now gone from being 100% sure it was a wind up, to 99% sure they were telling the truth.

In my semi drunken state I was fairly excited at the news that I'd made it onto such a stage, and I decided to share the news by texting my parents, my brother, and about 10 other random people out of my address book who I thought might be vaguely interested, and told them to keep an eye on the advertising boards during Match of the Day.

I thought nothing of it until later when we were having dinner and I went outside to take a phone call from a number I didn't recognise. It was a girl claiming to be from Cool FM, a popular radio station from Belfast. She said that her colleague had saw my name on the advertising board during the match and wanted me to come on the show on Monday to talk a bit about it - I am deeply ashamed and embarrassed to say that even this ridiculous idea - that some radio station phoning me at 10.30pm on a Saturday night to get me onto their show to talk about why my name was on an advertising board on Sky Sports - didn't alert me to the fact that someone was taking the complete and utter piss out of me.

It was only when I came back into the restaurant and started to recount this story to Karen that I actually realised that there was a very good chance indeed that this was all an elaborate wind-up, and when I saw the look on Marty McCabe's face it confirmed my worst fears. Everyone burst out laughing and I sat in stunned silence for a good 10 minutes wondering how I had allowed it to get this far, and wondering what I was going to text to everyone back home who were watching Match of the Day.

I just hope Ciaran realises that I am a small petty man when it comes to stuff like this, and this thing he has started won't be over until I have him in tears.

Myself and Karen had decided to stay with friends just outside Cork that night, and give Paul and Ciaran our hotel room, as they couldn't get one in the other (more expensive) hotel they'd tried to move to. Now our hotel room was pretty small and our 'double bed' wasn't much more than four feet across. I did warn them of the cosy night that they'd be in store for if they took me up on the offer to use my room, but they assured me that they were very comfortable with their own sexuality and anyway - this wouldn't be the first time that they'd snuggled up to each other. I also think that they were hoping to impress Conor Grant with the lengths that they were prepared to go to cut back on their expenses for the weekend.

I had a brainwave later that I could exact my revenge sooner than planned by phoning the guards in the middle of the night, and tipping them off that I was staying in the Metropole hotel and had just witnessed a 40-something silver haired man spiking the drink of some poor young fella and dragging him off to room 425 with a big grin on his face.

I decided against this course of action for two reasons - firstly Paul hadn't done anything wrong and didn't really deserve to get caught up in all this, and secondly, because I don't think this punishment is severe enough for Ciaran. Anyway... I think they were embarrassed enough when they had to check out of the double room (which was booked under Smyth) the next day.